My Grandma Rushton

Oh no.....What should I do? Should I go home to be with you?

do I stay here with my Kids at soccer?

Inside I kept saying if she knew i was there,

Would it make a difference?

Wait not just me but the whole family.

I can tell you for myself, I sure that it would help.

So as I went along that day, I thought what you would say,

"Mary girl, I'm ok."

"but Grandma do you need me there?"

"theres nothing you can do here so stay."

"those wonderful kids want you there, watching them play"

So I said I'll stay, but any change and im on my way.

With the kids scared and worried,

I have to make it ok, they have games to play.

So with my Princess Diadora on the way,

I knew she would make me feel ok.

So as I sat in my chair with my best friend,

She just looked at me with her wonderful eyes,

and she made me feel ok.

So when we went back to our room, i had my phone right there.

I said if anyone calls Im on my way,

So with Sunday here and the last of the games and then

I knew i was on my way to you.

Drop the kids and Eric off and Grab her New secert Box.
write down a few thought and Im on my way

As i enter the waiting room with the family
there, Im scared to see you, but also want to
let you know "I'm here know"

As i enter the ICU, I felt a lump in my throat.

I stopped myself and thought "be strong,dont cry, make her proud."

I though she knows how hard these things are to me. So smile,stand tall, and walk right
in there with no worries at all,
So as I take that long walk down the hall, I see your sisters coming my way.
Oh wait maybe i should just go out.

i couldnt take another step by myself, so they said "Come on Mary, its ok."

As I come to your hospital room, I see machines,tubes, things beeping and all those monitors.

But behind all that I see The most wonderful Face, There you are!
 My Grandma,

She has to be ok!

Unable to talk to us, through all those tubes
I just take a good look at you!
I just took hold of your hand,

You looked at me,
but you looked right into my soul.

and all i could say
"Grandma, your getting better, you will be ok.

You shut your eyes and rest again.
I tell you "I'll be back,and I love you alot."

So a few more days of rest you need
 then maybe you will be able to talk.

So as i enter the room One day,
 those tubes were gone and there you were.
With a little horse voice, to try to talk.
then I said "its ok to rest Grandma I will be right here
and if i have to move I will tell you first"
So as I stand there watching your breathing and
hope you get some rest

I took your hand  into mine,
wait a second i have those hands.

I have her hands, oh my gosh, I have the hands of the most

amazing,loving,kind,caring,strong and wonderful grandma.

Shes cared for children, cooked and baked all day,

And I could say Im so glad to know I have those hands of

that amazing lady. Wow how luck I am.

Knowing that I had my Grandmas hand,

i thought of all shes done.

She mended wounds,

shes hugged all those kids,
shes cuddled them all,
shes kissed alot of
bumps and bruises,

she baked,

she could sew,

she fed all those animals,

she has done so much laundry,

She had made so proud to say

I have my grandmas Hands!

and I very proud to say!

So forever and always I can
always say I have my Grandmas hands!
What a gift from up above.

Love You Grandma
Mary

Missing You

I miss the way you make me laugh,

the funny things you say.

I miss you when i need a hug

and a smile to brighten my day.

I miss the way you listen and care,

our talks that never end.

I miss a shoulder to lean on,

I miss you dear,sweet friend.

There are so many wonderful

Memories

Weve sharedalong the way...

Im thinking of you today,

and missing you always.

That Cousin Of Mine.

That Cousin of Mine

Well you see shes a cousin to me,

Shes everything I wish i would be,

Shes beautiful and shines so bright,

She like that one star that shines so bright,

Well you see she that cousin to me

we have had so much fun,

Wow, It would be fun to be young again

Camping, quading, or taking a swim,

Singing and Dancing with the munchkins again,

Well you see that cousin of mine

is my biggest supporter at times,

even when Im scared to take her calls,

because Im scared i will say something wrong.

Well You see that cousin of mine

is more than that to me

Shes brillant,smart,fun and young at heart,

Wow what it would be to live my life so free,

Well you see that cousin on mine

is Married

She was there the day I said "I Do"

But I missed her "I Do's"

I did sent a letter for her to read

but shes much more than that to me.

Well you see that cousin of mine

was there with me,

from camping,hanging out, from the ocean to

fort flagler, or at a family thing. She was with me.

She was there with me when Jordan and Jaegar

Were born to me.

Well you see that cousin of mine

Shes having a baby!

I cant wait to see that beautful baby

With a Mom and Dad that are the best

they can be.

The new baby is as lucky as can be.

Well you see that cousin of Mine.

shes there for me,

but I will say that sometimes

I'm scared she'll go away.

Well You see that cousin of Mine

Shes  many things but she

the only Chiche for Me.

I love my Shawna the mother to be.

Love Ya

Who Do they want me to be?

Who Am I suppost to be?

I dont know who I'm suppost to be?

Quite and calm and I'm being dumb,

having a moment of fun and I'm in the wrong,

Paint the inside of the house, and I must be wierd,

Sorting Beads and I must be crazy,

Cleaning all day long and Im Dumb,

I dont know who I'm suppost to be

What happened to me?

Why do I take everything so personaly?

You say you need some plain color paper for scrapbooking

I'll be back so.

With every color,texture,shade there can be,

I love to collect things,

As I take a drive across town

I tell my dad

where did I go wrong?

I tell him anything I do,

Someones calling me crazy,wierd,strange.

I tell him Im scared to be

I want to be me,

he tell me no thats not it,

your fine with what you do

But please at least finish it,

weather it be scrapebooking,beads,cleaning,or organizing

Please just finish it and let it be.

"You always start a project murry." he said to me

I tell him dad its from the ADD.

he said "Just try and Finish one thing."

and then you'll see!

You can be anything you want to be!

Soul Mate Friend

My Soul Mate Friend

As I stand at the window tonight.

I think about what I've done right?

When i realize theres nothing there,

Then I think if I only knew where i went wrong,

when i Was so strong,,

I think about the one thing i lost,

My soul mate of a friend.

We had so much fun,

then one day it came to an end,

I miss the laughter and words
 we shared,
I miss just being there,

I miss her presence,

to me I must be a problem,

is it that I'm ugly,fat,short,and out of sort,

Did i say something wrong?

Was I not there when I should have been?

Was I not even your Friend?

If its something I said or did?

Theres days thats what I wonder,

then theres day I want to say,

What happen to us anyways?

I'm sorry if its because i stayed away,

I don't want to burden you another day,

I didn't want everyone to have to be,

around Me,

I was scared that you would agree,

with the ones who hated me,

I one thing i have learned is who cares,

I wish I could say I didn't but
in my heart I care all the way.

There are many times in a day that

I want to say,

What Happened?

What went Wrong?

Was I a bad friend because

I wasn't strong?

Did i push everyone away?

All I can say as for today,

If I did you wrong

Oh, I'm so sorry for not staying strong,

I'm so sorry if i pushed you away,

but i didn't want to burden you another day,

I will say that today

I'm scared to try in anyway,

what if you hate me for real,

what if you shed a tear,
then i know I did something
Wrong,

Is it because I'm not that strong?

I will say i always think in the worst way,

So I'll try another day,

As I stand here still looking out the window

into the darkness of night

I feel so empty, alone,
even with the kids asleep,
So inisint and strong,

So if I had my soul mate friend,

back again,
theres so many thing i want to say,
wait....thats ok.
I think she would feel it anyway

Who knows how long i will stand here anyways,

the answers i need are
not out the window in the dark

its somewhere deep in someones heart.

So as i go to bed tonight i will

Ask god why I feel I lost

That One True soul mate friend?

By Mary Keller

Facebook | Mary Olson-Keller

"What a Veteran Means to Me!
By Jordan Keller


I see a person proud to take a stand
A person who ensured our
Free land.

They left behind there family & friends
to fight for what they believe,
some of them never returned
leaving love ones to greive.

They risked their lives for what we have
today.
They Fight for freedom & Peace that
we all share everyday.

During a long and brutal war,
mail was the only way
to communicate with friends and family
left to worry everday.

Some returned home
without friends,
they would not see ever again
Some returned home hurt, what
didnt kill them made them stronger.

I salute each & every one
for the service they have done.
So thank each veteran that you see,
they are the ones that made this,
Tthe Home of the Brave
&
The Land of the Free!"

Our Grandpa Bill

Our Grandpa Bill (Whiskey Bill)

So I wanted to share with everyone the Insight that I have received from my grandpas tapes, I have always love to hear him talk at AA meetings. But I have to say that today I have listened to three of them and i can never get enough of him.

So as i listen to him I can see his face, him standing there in his cowboy boots and overalls or a nice shirt with one of his wonderful Indian turquoise bow Tye, his comb in his front pocket and getting a drink of his coke with ice. I feel at piece with life when hes talking, I will say at my age today I have learned that my grandpa was smarter then i ever though he could be. I do see what hes talking about Your Religion or AA isn't a program its a way of living. As I heard many times in my life was that my Great Grandma (grandpas Mom) Said "Billy, I don't care what you believe in Just grab on to it and hold on tight." "Acceptance is love" he said Its learning to love the right way, my grandpa is amazing, the things hes been Thur and have done I'm so grateful that we had him in our life.

Our grandpa has lived on streets,in cars,in houses with Grandma and there 7 kids. he shared so much in each of these talks, the man who grandpa met in California, he brought my grandpa home, and I'm so glad for that, the way my grandpa explains it. He never wanted to hurt anyone and he thought he only was hurting himself. he said that he had a hard time with Believing in God. He said he tried and one night he lied down after not sleeping for weeks and Ask God to Help Him! He said that night he went to sleep and in one shakeable place he woke up knowing weather he was a live or died He was going to be OK.
He said " I see no evil in you I only see goodness and love in each and everyone of you."
Grandpa said "the truth will set me free and he knows that."
Grandpa said that step 3 of the 12 step book is take your own inventory and as he said he still always was taking inventory,

He said he was 14 of 17 kids and felt that he wasn't wanted, I can define it very simple to day and it an inability to love and be loved. I didn't know how to give and receive."
He said that he got to see his kids 2 months into being sober and he said the week before that he ran into a lady and said "Ma" I'm sober and I'm never going to drink again" he said Her response was "Ya right Bill"then she turned and walked away. That would be our Grandma She was so strong and courageous. He talks about how he took one of his sons to get some shoes and to a meeting and that night after they got home he went to make sure everyone was covered up. Then he saw something that he would never forget. he said "Ma Come look at Chuckie" as she went into the room with grandpa, and saw those shoes on Chuckies pillow. She said Pa those are the first new shoes hes ever got." he was 11 and all these years I thought I was only hurting myself. he talks about his daughter who had joined the program all she wanted was acceptance from her Dad.

He Shared about his Granddaughter, She was 8 or 9 months old and they were going to a meeting and someone said Bill she cant be her. Grandpa said well you see this jug(her bottle) "I've been trying to get her off this her whole life" and then he set her down, she couldn't walk but she stood there wobbling and said "You see her she cant stand still" " Hell She cant even talk right" From that day on she went to that meeting everyday. We would go to breakfast every morning, But that grand baby taught me more about Forgiveness then anyone ever could. She didn't care if I had bad breath or my hair was messy or if I was ugly. She just loved her old grandpa and he knew that. (That is his Rainy).

As for me the words that always helped me were "Its going to be Okay My Mary Girl" I would love to hear him say that once or twice in my last few years of hurt and pain I have been thur.

Also I never thought anything was ever wrong with my family I thought we had the best of everything in our family, We once were said that those Bill Rushton have money we were the rich ones and I will never forget our Grandpas words at that moment "YES WE ARE RICH, BUT WE AREN'T RICH WITH MONEY WE ARE RICH WITH THE LOVE WE HAVE AND SHARE" to so many of us in my family live with that and by that.

My crazy family, i wanted them back when i quit drinking, we had to part and get divorced because we couldn't get past the before and yesterdays. Because of the ability to live this program and the ability to forgive and forget Shes my Best Friend Today.

4 of my crazy kids are in the program and 1 in training. He said if he needs to go to AA he will and I know he wont but that would be OK.

"God is in your eyes your laughter and your smile."

"God I love you people."

I can say that After I listened to all three of those tapes tonight I have a new feeling of its going to be OK and that our grandpa was a wonderful as we thought.