Thursday, September 25, 2008
Well..................................When the phone rings at 3:30am its not good. It was my mom and she Said mary it happened again I thought what now? What could happen again?
Then she tells me that Mikey and Adam were jumped and bet up pretty bad. She said that Adam is having a very hard time,he was so upset that they hurt Mikey and mom thought I could help to talk with him.
First off those who now the bond we have would understand it from my seat. I heard My Adam with anxiety, fear,anger,saddness,scared and lost in his voice. From that point on today i have had a hard time dealing with the pain and hurting heart that i know he has.
first everyone has to remember the Adam I know. They came down to the pool and from there on we had a bond. We did everything together, he loved to pick on me and i would always try and wrestle with him and he always said that I wasnt in his weight class.....HAHAHAHA! Sorry those boobs were heavy.
We went everywhere together we went camping,babysat Taylor, always had a lot of Friends Over. We were great team and the best of friends.Some of the little things that will always be a reminder are taxis because we rode in one home from kallas once,when i see ants i remember when he swallowed one.He still cant lie to us because we can tell and so he never trys. When he usually is telling a little white lie and we Question him his face turns all red and he get the giggles, How i would love to here those again. He will always be that Adam to me the one that made me laugh, smile, cry, just being there and having fun.
To know that he is suffering so bad its heart breaking the filling of the unknown is the worst. That feeling of fear everytime you go somewhere, feeling that you can breathe and you dont want to talk to anyone because they tell you, your crazy! get over it! I'M NOT SAYING HE IS PERFECT (YES HE IS).
What im saying is that just going down the road i was on and watching Adams Pain build and build and not be able to say what it is. To me that was the worst feeling ever i dont care what anyone says. I would do anything before i got there again. In some ways i now how he feels.
Being Negative to him will never help it will always make it worse.So if you want want worse then keep going. I know that people are saying that he will just do it again but what IF one time he doesn't. I will say that i know that one day will come but im hoping for it before its to late. But I will say this I WILL ALWAYS BE RIGHT HERE WILLING AND WAITING TO HELP HIM!!!
When people tell you make yourself that way then you think you do and makes everything worse, It eventually will over take you and you will think that everyone is talking about you and that if you leave the house then someone willsay something about you. If someone said your house is dirty you will clean it aover and over again and in your head you will always be gross and dirty.
I have said Over and Over again be positive to everyone Use kindness in your words and try to always have an open heart. People That have been put down, and have had a hard times need positive help. Yes I can say now that i now what is going on with me i learn more and more about things everyday.
YES it will get old always trying to help but if you love them you will help them and helping them doesnt mean giving the money and buying them drugs. It means helping them to find the anwsers to the problem that is so deep, lend an ear for listening and give them the straigth to more forward, a shouldren to cry on, a hand to help them up when they fall again. Also everyone needs to be on these Doctors and get him the help he needs for his brain damage. Lets Fix it not make it worse.
So for those who are wondering Yes Adam was in another fight and yes he isnt perfect but there are people who just love to point there finger and start crap but are to afraid to look in that mirror and see their problems so I Im thinking Why DONT YOU deal with your own issues and leave others alone unless you are willing to help him and stand by his side and if you can do that then Go Away.
Adam is a great guy and that Adam is lost inside this one and needs help out so if you love him at all bit your tounge and be positive to him and see what a difference this can make. Because who nows someday this could be you needing help.
Adam and Mikey to I love both of you and get well soon!
IM here and I always will be....
A few interesting things to help Also findings of what this can be
Why do mental illness and drug addiction so often go together? New research reveals that this type of dual diagnosis may stem from a common cause: developmental changes in the amygdala, a walnut-shaped part of the brain linked to fear, anxiety and other emotions
Dual diagnosis is common yet difficult to treat. Addiction of all types -- to nicotine, alcohol and drugs -- is often found in people with a wide variety of mental illnesses, including anxiety disorders, unipolar and bipolar depression, schizophrenia, and borderline and other personality disorders. Lead author Andrew Chambers, MD, cites clinical reports that at least half the people who seek help with addiction or mental-health treatment have co-occurring disorders. Epidemiological data says that from two to five of every 10 anxious or depressed people, and from four to eight of every 10 people with schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or antisocial personality, also have some type of addiction.
To find the scientific basis for this complex, seemingly intractable pairing, which has in the past been attributed to "self-medication," Chambers' team at the Indiana University medical school compared the adult mood- and drug-related behavior of two groups of adult rats: those whose amygdalas were surgically damaged in infancy and those whose amygdalas were left intact but who underwent a sham surgery, to equalize their treatment.
Rats with damaged (lesioned) amygdalas grew up abnormally under-responsive to ambiguous or potentially threatening stimuli. Not showing the normal caution, they moved significantly more in response to novelty, showed significantly less fear in an elevated maze, and kept socializing even when exposed to the scent of a predator.
Crucially, these same rats also were significantly more sensitive to cocaine after just one exposure. And rats given repeated cocaine injections later showed even stronger expressions of the enduring changes in behavior -- suggesting an overall hypersensitivity to the addictive process.
Given that the experimental and control rats were raised in the same tightly controlled conditions, the only difference being their brain status, researchers concluded that the integrity of the amygdala was the root cause of both impaired fear behavior and heightened drug response.
"Brain conditions may alter addiction vulnerability independently of drug history," says Chambers. He and his colleagues concluded that someone's greater vulnerability to addiction, rather than a given drug's ability to alter the symptoms of mental illness for better or worse (usually worse), more fully explains the high rates of dual diagnosis.
For these reasons, and given the lab evidence and the fact that dual diagnosis patients do less well on psychiatric medication than other patients, Chambers wondered whether the underlying problems in the brain -- what he calls "neural inflexibility" -- make it harder for these people to respond.
To improve the effectiveness of treatments for dual diagnosis, Chambers would like to see educators, counselors, physicians, and scientific researchers integrate insights into both mental health and addiction. Funding the simultaneous treatment of both disorders would also help, he observes, given that "dual-diagnosis cases are the mainstream among these patients, probably because addiction and mental illness are strongly linked by neurobiology."
What may harm the amygdala early in human development? Dr. Chambers cites the relatively rare cases of temporal lobe epilepsy, tumors or early brain injury. Far more common, he speculates, are complex interactions among subtle genetic and environmental factors that change the way the amygdala functions or is connected to the rest of the brain during childhood and adolescence. For example, he says, "Early emotional trauma, paired with a certain genetic background, may alter the early development of neural networks intrinsic to the amygdala, resulting in a cascade of brain effects and functional changes that present in adulthood as a dual-diagnosis disorder."
How Can I Help An Alcoholic or Drug Addict? - Specific Things You Can Do To Help
1 - Understand Addiction
This is a logical and very necessary first step. Before you can learn how best to help a struggling addict or alcoholic, you need to understand the nature of addiction. There are several models of addiction that attempt to describe what it is and why it affects people, but none of those models are entirely accurate. Many people have heard of the disease model, which does a fairly decent job of describing what we see in the real world. For example, even addicts or alcoholics who have stayed clean for several decades can relapse and be right back to their old level of consumption within a matter of d
Also note that addiction can affect potentially anyone, including those who:
-Have no apparent genetic predisposition for addiction or alcoholism
-Have very little environmental risk
-Have no moral shortcomings or laziness about them
Even if you do not believe in the disease model, learning more about addiction is a necessary foundation in learning about how you can potentially help a struggling addict or alcoholic.
2 - Get Help Yourself
We cannot control a drug addict or an alcoholic, but we can control our own behavior–including how we behave in relationship to a sick and suffering (and possibly manipulative) addict or alcoholic. Therefore, the best thing that you can do if you want to help someone in your life is to get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting. The people there can listen to your situation and give you the best specific advice on how to go about handling things. Educating yourself on how to set limits and boundaries is one of the most important things that you can do in this case.
3 - Establish Boundaries, Set Limits
One example of setting a boundary is telling a close friend that you prefer they not be around you if they are drunk or high. Notice that it is specific, and you have to sit down and communicate this type of request explicitly with someone. Setting a boundary like this is difficult because there is this tendency to hurt other's feelings. But that is part of what is keeping you sick–caring more about this person's feelings than your own personal well being. Setting boundaries is about putting your own personal well being first, and letting that be a guiding example of how to live. You know you are setting effective boundaries when you are taking back control of your own life and starting to regain your own sanity–instead of being all wrapped up in the problems of a struggling drug addict or alcoholic.
SO YOU WANNA HELP A FRIEND WITH A DRUG PROBLEM?
HATE THE DRUGS, NOT THE USER
It's tough to sit down with your friend and make comments that will invariably provoke the response "Who are you, my mother?" However, you've got to start somewhere, and the best thing to do is to criticize the substance that your friend is taking. If you start by criticizing or questioning some aspect of your friend's behavior, he might just shut you out, become defensive, or become confrontational. Of course, it doesn't take a genius to guess that a conversation that starts out with "Cocaine certainly is a dangerous chemical, wouldn't you say?" is going somewhere other than chemistry. Don't say it that way. Say it in the tone of voice you use when you're commiserating or communicating with your friend, and say something like "Cocaine sure sucks."
If your friend bites at the bait you've laid out and starts talking about it, then you've got an opening to try to find out what's going on. Once the conversation turns to her substance use, casually ask how much she's using, and how often. Then ask if she thinks that's a lot, and, if she doesn't, ask what would be a lot. During this initial conversation, you just want to get your friend to admit to you and herself how much she's using, and to get her thinking about whether she's got a problem or not. Don't push it too far, and never be critical or judgmental. Close by saying that you want to help and that you want to talk about it again sometime.
If your friend does not take the bait, don't push. Once you've said something, both of you will know why you said it, and it will hang there until your friend chooses to acknowledge it. He might be ignoring it just to show you that he doesn't have to talk to you about it if he doesn't want to. He'd be right – he doesn't have to talk to you. So just leave it alone and see if he has the guts to come back to your earlier comment sometime later. If he doesn't, wait for another occasion and try again.
It might sound like we're suggesting you pussyfoot around the issue and keep the kid gloves on forever. What about tough love? We advise you to leave any confrontational approach to the family and/or the professionals. It's not your place to slap your friend around and be confrontational, and if you try it you'll almost certainly do it wrong and make things worse. If your attempts at gentle intervention are continually brushed off or ineffective, you should think about narking your friend out to his family (i.e., telling them he's a junkie), and suggesting they talk to a counselor about one of the more dramatic, tough love style interventions. If we can't talk you out of staging your own intervention, please, please speak to a professional counselor or otherwise seek help (see the list of resources in section 4) before you do it. Know exactly what you want your friend to do, and have a plan.
PROVIDE A DRUG-FREE OPTION
As people become more involved with drugs, they start to seek the company of others who will do the drugs with them, enable them to obtain the drugs more easily, and won't hassle them about the drugs. Once you decide that your friend has a problem, you must NEVER take the substance he or she uses when you're with him. For example, if you like to drink occasionally, you shouldn't drink with your alcoholic friend. Think up other things to do and talk your friend into doing them. Chances are, he's got plenty of friends to drink with, so you need to provide a sober option.
If you're picturing skipping through alpine meadows or youth group meetings run by Ned Flanders, that's not necessarily what we mean. Try taking your friend out for coffee or dinner (at a non-licensed restaurant, if she's a drinker) and making good conversation the focus of the evening. Or see a ballgame, play pool, or air hockey or cards, or start a Fight Club (maybe not this last one). There are plenty of things to do -- that don't suck -- that do not involve substance abuse. You should make it a point to draw up a (secret) list of things to do, and make it your goal to get your pal to do them all with you. When the two of you do something fun that doesn't involve sitting around getting messed up, your friend will remain aware that there are other ways of living.Addicts who have strong social or family networks and jobs are more likely to be able to break their addictions than addicts who are alienated and unemployed. Make sure you help to provide the social network, and get in there before your friend loses so much that she doesn't care anymore.... RECOMMEND THAT YOUR FRIEND SEEK HELP
Once you've gotten to the point where your friend trusts you to talk to him about his problem, you've got to recommend that he should seek help. Alcoholism and drug addiction don't go away by themselves, and few people are strong enough to quit cold turkey. The help you provide is necessary and important, but it probably isn't sufficient. There are many different ways to get help with addiction, and you should suggest them all to your friend until you hit on one that's acceptable to her.
We'll provide you with a list of suggested places to get help, and you can either print it out and give it to your friend or just remember the ones which seem suitable and talk to him about them.
PRAISE SUCCESSES
Many, many recovering addicts relapse back into addiction. It's a sad fact that once you've been addicted to something you're always somewhat at risk to start using it again, and your friend is no exception. That's why you've got to make sure he knows that any time he spends off the drug is good time. Keep up with his progress, and praise him for any success he has. Comment on how good he looks, how much happier he seems, and how things are really going well for him, even if these are blatant lies. Don't patronize, but be ridiculously positive.
Another thing to remember is that recovering addicts tend to find life extremely boring once they start living life without the drug. Refer back to Step 3; you've got to be the no-drugs fun person who convinces your friend that a sober life is worth living. This might be tough on you, because your friend might actually be kind of boring while she tries to adjust. Be a good friend and stick with her. With your help, your friend could go on to be rich and successful, and then you can borrow money from her. And isn't that what being a friend is all about?
We wish the best of luck to you and anyone who is affected by substance abuse...
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